am I a fool?

Am I fool?
I hope not.  The Bible has a lot to say about fools and what  a fool is. I looked up fool and came up with 182 uses of the word fool or foolish.

Psalm 53:1 The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, and their ways are vile; there is no one who does good.
A fool denies God. A fool is full of self-pride. A fool is vile and corrupt.  A fool goes against wisdom and instruction.  They are rebellious, wicked, harmful to others, lack wisdom, and shameful.  Look in Proverbs.  It describes a fool many ways and warns of being a fool, being around a fool or listening to what a fool says.
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Believing and fearing God is the beginning of knowledge. If we are to even have knowledge, we are to begin with God. True knowledge is knowing God. There are those who may disagree with this.  But knowledge without God as the source is useless and foolish.
Proverbs 12:15 The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.

A fool is going to assume they are wise. They are going to assume they already know truth. A fool is going to assume they might even be wise enough to determine God's very existence or His goodness, justness, righteousness, etc.
I really truly do not want to get into the thinking that I might even know better than God. Do I question God at times?  Yes. Should I?  Probably not.  According to His Word, He is always faithful, always just, always good, always has our best interest in mind, always knows all things and always loves us. Always!  Why do I think I can even begin to doubt that?  I am a foolish human that is why.

I am a fool at times.  I do not want to stay a fool.  I do not want to find myself doubting God.  I do not want to find myself in the position of denying God or denying His power.  I do not want to ever question His love, His faithfulness, His righteousness, or His authority. Life gets the better of me at times.  When I am frustrated, overwhelmed or confused, it is easy to wonder about God.
I think that is human nature.  However, if we truly rested in Him and knew Him in that deep intimate relationship that He has proposed to us, we would not find ourselves in the position of ever wondering or questioning.  We would immediately go to Him and trust that no matter what, he is still loving, faithful, just and righteous.

I do not ever question my husband's love and faithfulness.  If someone were to try to point out a questionable moment, I would believe in the love and faithfulness of my husband above all else.  I have a deep intimate relationship with him and I know him better than anyone else in this world.  I have faith in his love for me and in his promises to me.

Shouldn't it be the same with God? Shouldn't we trust him most because we have developed such a deep, intimacy with our God that nothing would sway our faith in who He is?  That is why He chose to describe His church as a bride.  That is the deepest intimate relationship on this earth that even comes somewhat close to describing the intimacy He desires to have with us.  Oh to be in deep intimacy with my Savior. Oh to be in arms of the One who can hold me closer than I ever dreamed. Oh to be able to hear His breath and feel His heartbeat.  That is intimacy.
Growing up, I always remember a picture on the wall of my great-grandparents.  It was hard for me to figure out which one was which.  They looked so similar to my young mind. There is the saying that as you grow in marriage, you become more alike.  I can say my husband has influenced me. I can say I have influenced him.  He has helped me and encouraged me to be more bold, to stand up for myself when I need to, and to not be so shy.  I have helped him to see things differently, to see himself as a valuable and to see that he is a strong person.  This influence comes from spending time together, sharing our lives and thoughts, through intimacy.  Time with God, sharing our lives and thoughts with God and intimacy with God will bring about changes in us. He will influence us, change us and help us become who we are supposed to be in Him.

Lord lead me to that place of deep intimacy that keeps me grounded in faith, unshakeable on a foundation of truth, and deeply devoted to you in understanding of who You are.

I John5:20 We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.

Lead me away from being a fool into understanding what is true.