not my plan, but His

I would probably have not chosen to endure and experience some of the things I have faced. I would not have chosen to experience loss, sickness, or worry. I don't like uncertainty and I certainly do not like watching any one struggle or suffer. I would not have chosen for my son to be born with a birth defect and need to go through multiple surgeries. While I say I would not have chosen it, I am also quite thankful and blessed to have realized that God has always known and has never stopped loving us through it all. 

I will never forget that moment when my son was born and the joy quickly turning to fear and heartache as we realized he had a cleft lip and palate. That little baby boy was blue and lifeless from a very difficult delivery. He was whisked away from me as I lay and begged God to help my baby.  I could do nothing but pray in that moment. My only hope was in God in that moment. When that little cry could be heard, a flood of relief poured over me. The doctors took him off to the NICU and took blood samples to determine the effects of lack of oxygen. We cried and prayed. I am so grateful that all those tests came back with perfectly normal tests results and our prayers were answered. 

We knew that we faced many surgeries and that journey has been filled with ups and downs. My little boy has been ever an example of faith and endurance. From a tumor in his ear to palate and lip repairs, he has never failed to say Jesus would heal. When he was eight years old, One of his surgeries completely failed. All the stitches in the roof of his mouth broke and all the work done was completely reversed. The surgery meant to seal and elongate his palate ended up with a shortened palate. The result was even more difficulty with speaking and eating. He refused to go back to that surgeon and refused more surgery.

It took a lot of prayer and trusting, but God led us to a new doctor. My sweet boy at the age of 12, agreed to have one more major surgery that combined two surgeries into one event. The pain was rough, recovery was hard, A severe reaction to antibiotics sent us to the ER. But here we are 5 months later with the test results that we could only hope and pray for. The air flow through his nose is absolutely testing in the normal range. My sweet little boy can walk in a restaurant and order his own food without mom or dad having to repeat his order. 

There is a relief to know that God has been operating for my son's good all along. Even with the setbacks, God has ordered our steps. We have ended up in the offices of some of the best surgeons for the specific need he had. Only God could have orchestrated the timing and process. We would have never known about the tumor in his ear until it had caused great damage, if our new dentist had not recommended we reach out to a state agency. That led us to the doctor who had pioneered the surgery for removing this particular tumor with the least amount of damage. My son has perfect hearing thanks to the efforts of that man and God's leading. My son has normal airflow through his nose today for speaking and eating due to getting into his current surgeon. God has led us down this path in ways I cannot even explain at times. I know he has had his hand on my son from the minute he was a thought in my mind. God has given my son a testimony and witness of God's healing and faithfulness. 

My son is always quick to pray, quick to trust God,and will always say, "Pray," when he knows only God can answer. 

Luke 12:4-7

4 And I say unto you my friends, Be not afraid of them that kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do.

5 But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.

6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?

7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

This scripture always reminds me that we are deeply loved and care for by God. He watches over every bird and we are much more valuable. We have nothing to fear when we can place all of our trust in God. 

Isaiah 55:9 says "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

This tells me that my plans may not be what God has in store or even what life may hand me, but God can take what I have and what is handed to me and turn it into something beautiful. He can take what we have and give us a testimony and a witness of his love, grace and faithfulness. I understand that we may not always choose our circumstances or experiences, but God can use them for good. For our good, for the good of others,and His glory will be revealed. He does not leave us or forsake us in the middle of a struggle, He makes a way that leads to victory and joy on the other side. 

My plans are not His plans, but when I put all my trust in Him, His plans are revealed and lead me to a place of peace and faith I cannot reach without the history of a struggle. For all the struggles, I am thankful and grateful, for it has taught me that God is always taking care of the situation. He sees the long term and knows what is best. I am learning to just trust Him.

Place all your trust in God for He knows what tomorrow holds.